Some words from Beth

He makes me mixes. I write him letters.

And we write each other stories. 

We made a game of it once: Write a story if we met again when we were in our twenties. It got both of us thinking back on that time in our lives, what we were like, what it might have revealed about ourselves and each other if we connected back then.

I write him year long letters that I give him on his birthday in December. Truth bombs, reassurances, worries, moments of insights that happen among the mundane. Those moments are always there. Many of you that know me well know writing is a sacred thing for me. And letters are an especially truth telling place. I cannot hide when I’m writing.  

I met Russell initially through high school friends. We were 18. He was making a movie for his film class at Columbia College. My boyfriend at the time and I were in it. It was a silent, black and white, short film. Filmed in various rooms in his home, his backyard, a local graveyard, and church. Best film I ever made, I think actually. Not that I got the chance to do too many after that. I remember him as a quiet but intense presence. Smart and creative. 

Eighteen year old me in Sadness is 6’ of Earth, a film by Russell Zapata

We both ended up in California. Him in San Francisco and me in Los Angeles. We reconnected years later. He wrote me a letter once from the beach in Hawaii. Should have seen then that was a sign of things to come. We’d have dinner to catch up on a work trip here and there. He was always such a wonderful San Francisco host even when we were “just” friends.

Then….

When life falls apart it has its way of coming back together in unforeseen ways. 

He was hiding in plain sight all this time I suppose. 

In 2018 we had reconnected more deeply. It was the beginning of us becoming us. He invited the girls and I to Disneyland with his brother, sister-in-law and nephews during a blisteringly hot fourth of July week. We had a blast, so much fun. I invited him as a thank you to visit me in L.A. a couple months later to go to a Game of Thrones concert.

And to try and keep up with his amazing host skills I asked a friend to hook me up with a Magic Castle reservation, a coveted Hollywood destination, which she sweetly obliged. Russell playfully got me a corsage to wear and him a boutonniere. 

Gussied up in our Uber, the driver said something about being on a date. 

“Oh we’re just friends,” I said. 

But we weren’t. Underneath our friendship was becoming something more. Our first kiss was that night in a telephone booth with a lit up skeleton as a witness in the Magic Castle. 

Magical weekends continued in San Francisco. Clever welcome emails from the “Casa Zapata Hotel Restaurant and Spa.” Great food out. Incredible dinners in (if you haven’t had a meal prepared by Russell we need to remedy that). Music. Walks around the city. Brunches with his friends. Shows. Art museums. TV show binging. Comfortable silences. I gave him brat points when he deserved them (ha!).

Casa Zapata Hotel Restaurant and Spa

We started a Russell and Elizabeth list (this is what he calls me. It is your name after all, he said). Things we have in common which are sweet and funny at times. We share the same taste in colors for our wardrobe (black and red) and favorite herb (thyme) to name a few.

His mixes and my letters (I hope) were our connections in our long distance foray into a relationship.  

Music and words. That is us.

In the madness of 2020, we moved into a place together and made it our home.

Seeing how he has developed relationships with my girls is wonderful. Even though they make him crazy (welcome to parenthood) and make him worry (Sigh. Welcome to parenthood) He truly is an amazing step dad with his fun “Music Wednesdays,” Disney adventures, San Francisco scavenger hunts, and mocktails.

He asked to be my boyfriend with a song. (I wanna be your boyfriend - the Ramones) He asked me to marry him with a song (Explain it to me - Liz Phair ). We sealed our wedding with a song and a dance.  His choice of course (Here, There and Everywhere - The Beatles)

I’m giving him a card and a letter on our wedding day. The cards says, “It is a public scandal the way I adore you.” It’s true. Maybe strange for an elopement, but here I am proclaiming my love for him to all.

Getting married is something I wanted to be between us. It is ultimately. And the girls. Something I wanted to experience intimately. (No one get mad at us! We love you all.)

Russell is a very deliberate person. If he chooses you (even as a friend), he chooses you.

Russell, I choose you. I love you. We are a family.

xoxo,

Beth